Some years ago my nieces’ best friend passed away from an escalated cold that caused her lungs to retain fluid. It was winter break (Dec 2006) she didn’t make it back to school. The family was devastated. I remember thinking how in one second their lives had changed and how mine could also change that fast. I appreciated every day and every new year, especially, for having my family and for our health.
Four years later it was my turn. Also in Dec. The person I have loved the most in the world passed away, suddenly.
Welcome to the land of grief!
And while out on a limb wanting nothing but death, I couldn’t stop thinking how ironic all this BS was. I truly hated life and everything in it, even the songs of the birds annoyed me. I wanted to shout at every living thing and wail all my misery and pain to the entire world! I didn’t want to see people. I became a misanthropic. I was extremely mad at God but at the same time I clung to Him. At the end of the day God is all we have. We are all so temporary. Life is so impermanent and so extremely hard at times. I thought tragedy would never touch me…not this way. But it did! Life is too frail, too short. My reality and pain are inexorably connected, especially, when I palpably feel my brother’s absence. It is a very desolated place, an ineffable feeling. One that probably only those who have lost extremely significant loved ones can relate to. This is now my life. The day my beloved brother left this world it was “business as usual” I was going to pick him up as I had done all my adult life. This time, he wasn’t there…. waiting for me.
Above illustration “Life so Frail” is from my composition notebook. Not fine art, just a sketch but it is full of symbolism. The broken eggs represent fragility, the dying flowers represent the brevity of life, and the hourglass represents time. The girl is suspended in a dark abyss and her legs curled in. The spiral represents life itself with its ups and downs. The glass is broken also to represent fragility and perplexity of sudden events.
***Song by Sting “Fragile” uploaded from Vevo.