December is here again with its pompous decorations and iconic tunes. Somehow in my heart there is no room to celebrate. Indeed I rather hibernate. No lights, no shopping, no singing carols, none of that. These days my soul feels numbed.
My sweet and tender brother is not here with us. It feels so strange, so plain, so colorless. I know he is in heaven but I can’t grasp what all that means. I have never experienced it, that’s why it is so difficult to oblige. Isn’t this the time that I can really use my faith? I will, I am. That’s all I really have.
It won’t be like this forever. I hope I can comply with time. I hope I can enjoy this season again in company of family and good friends. I have lost loved ones but no loss can compare to this one. My brother was the axle of my life, the pupil of my eyes. I miss him so much, and this day marks the 4th year. Five Christmas and New Year’s without him… it seems eternity.
And just as in the last 3 years, I buy 12 white roses to remember and commemorate a life that marked my days like no other ever has, like no other ever will. “I love you hermanito del alma.” Safe forever in the arms of God.